Marriage Tip of the Day
Overcoming Self-Centeredness in Marriage
Scripture:
Philippians 2:3-4
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”
In the sacred union of marriage, the journey of two becoming one can often be hindered by the human trait of self-centeredness. It is instinctive to prioritize our own desires and interests, yet for a marriage to thrive, this instinct must be managed and transformed.
Today, ponder upon the value of placing your spouse’s desires and interests above your own. This does not mean neglecting your well-being but fostering a deep-seated generosity of spirit that celebrates and elevates your spouse’s needs alongside, or even above, your own.
Commit to daily time with the Lord through His Word and prayer. It is in these quiet moments with God that our hearts are shaped and our spirits are tuned to the frequency of His love and humility. As you draw closer to Him and let His Word penetrate your heart, you will find that the ability to prioritize your spouse’s happiness becomes more natural.
Prayer:
Lord, help me to see my spouse through Your eyes, valuing their happiness as much as my own. Teach me to be humble and to put aside selfish ambitions, focusing instead on building a marriage that glorifies You. Guide us both to serve one another in love, reflecting Your grace and kindness. Amen.
As you contemplate these thoughts throughout your day, remember that every effort you make towards nurturing your relationship is a step towards a more loving and unified marriage.
Embracing God’s Guidance in Marriage
Have you ever found yourself tempted to flee from your marriage? Perhaps you’ve faced challenges that seem insurmountable, or you’ve been hurt by your spouse’s actions. As Christians, it’s essential to recognize that running from our marriage is akin to running from God Himself. There is a profound connection between our commitment to marriage and our relationship with God.
Consider the story of Jonah. When God called Jonah to go to Nineveh and preach against its wickedness, Jonah’s instinct was to flee. He thought he could escape God’s call, much like we sometimes believe we can escape the challenges of our marriages. But just as God pursued Jonah, He also pursues us in our marriages, urging us to confront our difficulties rather than run from them (Jonah 1:3).
Running from our marriages may seem like a temporary relief, but in reality, it only leads to further strife. God sees through our excuses and understands the depths of our struggles. He doesn’t want us to run; He wants us to lean on Him for strength and guidance.
Marriage holds profound significance in God’s eyes. It’s one of the foundational institutions established by Him (Genesis 2:24). Therefore, when we face difficulties in our marriages, we must remember that God is invested in our relationships and wants to see them thrive.
Running from our marriages often feels like the easier path, especially when faced with betrayal, conflict, or dissatisfaction. However, God calls us to embrace Him in the midst of our struggles. When we allow God into our marriages, He can work miracles that we never thought possible.
Jonah eventually heeded God’s call, and when he did, God was with him every step of the way (Jonah 3:3). Similarly, when we stop running from our marriages and invite God into our hearts, He becomes our constant companion, guiding us through the challenges and helping us become better spouses.
So, if you find yourself tempted to run from your marriage, remember that God is calling you to stay and fight. Don’t listen to the voice of the enemy encouraging you to flee; instead, open your arms to God’s love and allow Him to work miracles in your marriage.
Let’s pray: Heavenly Father, help us to resist the urge to run from our marriages when faced with challenges. Instead, grant us the strength to lean on You for guidance and support. May Your presence be felt in our relationships, leading us to reconciliation, growth, and love. In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.
Leading Your Marriage with Grace
Scripture References: Psalm 61:2-3, 1 Timothy 3:4
Marriage is a sacred union blessed by God, but it’s not without its challenges. As spouses, we often find ourselves in the role of leaders within our marriage, guiding and nurturing our relationship in accordance with God’s plan. Yet, we’re imperfect beings, prone to mistakes and shortcomings. In those moments of weakness, it’s natural to question our ability to lead our spouses well.
Just as David oftcried out in Psalms, seeking refuge and strength in God’s presence, we too can turn to Him when we feel inadequate in our roles as husbands and wives. It’s comforting to know that despite our flaws, God sees the potential within each of us to be great leaders in our marriages.
But what happens when we falter, when we let our spouses down or fail to live up to the standards of love and respect that God calls us to? Do we shy away from admitting our faults, preferring to maintain an image of perfection? Or do we humbly accept constructive criticism, recognizing that it’s through our vulnerabilities that God can mold us into better spouses?
As husbands and wives, it’s crucial to create an environment of openness and honesty within our marriages. We must be willing to confront our own shortcomings and to receive feedback from our spouses with grace and humility. For it’s through these moments of growth and refinement that our marriages can truly flourish.
When we find ourselves veering off course, when our actions or words cause harm to our marriage, let us not despair. Instead, let us turn to God in prayer, seeking His guidance and wisdom. He is the ultimate source of strength and reconciliation, capable of healing even the deepest wounds within our relationship.
So, if you find yourself stumbling as a spouse, take heart. Remember that God’s grace is abundant, and His love for you and your spouse knows no bounds. Embrace the opportunity to grow and learn from your mistakes, knowing that with God’s help, you can lead your marriage with courage, integrity, and unwavering devotion.
May your marriage be a testament to God’s grace and a beacon of hope to those around you.
The Sacred Covenant of Marriage: A Bond of Sacrificial Love
In the movie “The Longest Ride,” we witness characters grappling with the concept of sacrifice in the pursuit of love and fulfillment. Similarly, in our own marriages, sacrifice plays a pivotal role in nurturing and strengthening our bond with our spouse. However, it’s crucial to understand that marriage isn’t just any relationship; it’s a sacred covenant ordained by God, where sacrificial love takes on a deeper meaning.
The character Luke struggles with the idea of sacrifice, resisting the notion of relinquishing control over his future. Yet, through the course of the movie, he learns that true fulfillment comes not from holding onto his own desires, but from embracing the sacrifices necessary for a meaningful relationship.
In our marriages, we may encounter moments where sacrifice feels daunting or unfair. However, as we reflect on the example set by our Heavenly Father, we come to understand the profound truth that sacrifice is the essence of love. Just as God sacrificially gave His Son Jesus for us, demonstrating the depths of His love, we too are called to sacrificially love our spouse.
Marriage is a covenant relationship, distinct from all other relationships. It’s a sacred promise made before God, binding two individuals together in a bond of sacrificial love. This covenant isn’t just between husband and wife; it’s a covenant with God Himself, making it a marriage of three. Ecclesiastes 4:12 reminds us, “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” The presence of God in our marriage strengthens the bond between husband and wife, making it resilient and unbreakable.
As we navigate the journey of marriage, let us embrace the sacredness of sacrifice within the covenant of marriage. May we understand that our marriage isn’t just a friendship to walk away from when things get tough, but a covenant relationship ordained by God Himself. Let us lean on the presence of God in our marriage, knowing that with Him as the third strand, our bond of sacrificial love becomes unbreakable. May our marriages be a testimony to the world of the transformative power of sacrificial love within the covenant relationship we have with God.
Cultivating Beauty in Marriage
Do you understand what it means to have godly beauty in your marriage? When you gaze at your spouse, do you see a radiance that reflects their deep connection with the divine? Or do you sense a heaviness, a lack of joy despite outward appearances?
In my own journey, I’ve come to recognize the profound transformation that occurs when Jesus is at the center of a marriage. It wasn’t always this way for us. While the smile may have been present, the true light of Christ was not. Yet, when we invited Jesus into our marriage, everything changed. My wife began to exude a glow that could only come from God Himself. I call this “glow” – godly beauty!
Perhaps you find yourself in a similar situation, yearning to recapture that spiritual vibrancy in your marriage. The first step is to evaluate your vertical relationship with the Lord. If it’s faltering, then it’s no surprise that your horizontal relationship with your spouse may also be struggling. Strengthening your connection with God lays the foundation for restoring harmony within your marriage.
But what if you feel content in your relationship with God? Consider then, what unresolved issues persist in your marriage. Could it be that without a solid spiritual grounding, you and your spouse are unable to effectively address these challenges together? Aligning yourselves spiritually allows God’s love to flow freely between you, igniting a transformation that transcends earthly troubles.
I speak from personal experience when I say that trying to play God in our marriage only led to frustration and false confidence. It wasn’t until I humbled myself before God, allowing Him to shape me into the man He intended me to be, that true change began to take root. As God became the focal point of my life and of our marital union, His light dispelled the darkness, and even on the toughest days, His presence sustains us. His power protects us and guides us as we navigate life’s challenges together. His love frees us to live “as one flesh” and enjoy deepened intimacy, where forgiveness and grace flow freely.
So I ask you again, how is your vertical relationship with God? Have you invited Jesus into every aspect of your life and marriage? Take a moment to reflect on where you stand spiritually, for therein lies the key to unlocking the godly beauty within your marriage.
How is Faith Affecting Your Circumstances?
Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1
What are some words that pop into your mind when you try to define the word faith? Confidence, trust, assurance, reverence, righteousness, obedience, belief, action, sacrifice, submission and surrender all sound like valid synonyms for faith. However, I would surmise that these aren’t merely word substitutions, but rather, components of true faith.
For example, I may have a holy fear of God and I may take steps of obedience with action in response to that fear, but am I obeying out of fear of punishment or some other reason? Or am I obeying because I truly believe God is who He says He is, that His promises are true and trust that He is the One leading my life? Do I truly believe God can answer what I am praying for or that He will?
Hebrews 11 gets to the point of all this faith talk. Verse 6 says that it is IMPOSSIBLE to please God without faith because if we go to Him and we don’t believe in Him or believe that He rewards those of us who earnestly seek Him, we aren’t truly seeking Him. Furthermore, Matthew 7:7-8 says we must ask, seek and knock! If we ask Him for something, we will receive — if we seek Him, we will find Him —and if we knock, a door will be opened. These are true promises from God to us. But, those verses do not say that we will get what we want when we want it by the way we want it. Therefore some people believe that God is silent and that He withholds good from His people and that He shuts door after door on us. How could His promises be true if that is how we see Him? Why can’t an answer of “no” or a “different” opened door be God’s answer to us?
Is it true that we all lack faith at times? I am not so sure. To put it directly… you either have true faith & choose faith or you’re still working on it! It is a process that comes from being in a relationship with Him, having experiences with Him and by the testimonies of others. The truth is, every single day we will each face a test of our faith and will be faced with a choice– cling to an unrelenting faith or allow a “faith substitute” to be exposed and rely on that instead. We will either continue to claim the Lord’s sovereignty over our lives and circumstances, or we will choose to come up with a solution of our own making that works with our timeline.
Sometimes we place our faith in substitutes like our retirement account balance, our lawyer, our job, our parents or our marriage. All of these are improper foundations for true faith. They are powerless to provide stability and security. They cannot heal physical ailments and they cannot heal a broken heart. A faith substitute can also look like walking in our own will with our own abilities. We tell God what we want and ask Him to approve the plan. But then when we don’t receive what we want or our plan never comes to fruition, we wonder if God is mad at us, forgotten us or is outright ignoring our petitions. We stomp our feet and foolishly continue our own path and fulfill our own will, until we hear otherwise from God. We justify and say that down the road we will deal with the fallout of this, if it is bad and we cross our fingers once and move on without even listening for God. We check off the biblical boxes of church attendance and tithing and pat ourselves on the back. I’m not so sure that this is a lack of faith, but rather a choice to be unfaithful.
In Hebrews 11:1, two significant words are mentioned: confidence and assurance. How can we be confident in something we plan and how can we be assured that it will be a success? What we are likely feeling is capable and positive about what we are doing- but let’s be very clear here – capability is not confidence and positivity is not assurance.
Think of Abraham and God leading him to a place where he would have to sacrifice his son, Isaac. Was God leading him to sacrifice his son or was God leading him to a place of full faith? Noah was given an impossible assignment from God, but was God leading him to nonsensical hard work or was He leading him to save humans from extinction and into him becoming the “heir of righteousness” that comes from faith? The point is, sometimes what the Lord asks us to do is quite sacrificial and makes no sense at all. Yet, if we choose to respond in obedience, we find that it is our true FAITH in Him that makes us choose wisely. And with every wise choice, we find ourselves closer to the Lord and our faith confirmed and strengthened. That is when we experience the confidence and assurance that is mentioned in Hebrews 11.
So, in taking an honest look at your own faith, do you see some faith “substitutes” in any areas of your life? Do these “substitutes” exist because of a hidden sin in your life? What areas of your life do you get anxious about because in the natural world you don’t have the resources you think you need?
Talk to the Lord in prayer. Give Him the long version of your most honest, deepest, heart wrenching fears, worries, hurts and habits. Say it all, because there isn’t anything you can hide from Him anyway. This will help to surrender every circumstance in your life that causes worry to arise within us. And commit to open and read His word daily. Sometimes, just reading one verse can boost your faith in Him and relieve all other negative emotions stirred up inside.
God wants you to see that He is in total control, and He loves you and He loves being in relationship with you! Allow the Holy Spirit to be the One to take charge of your life. He will warn and prompt you with every decision and choice that comes. God truly wants the best for you and He truly wants your TOTAL faith in him. He wants to share His will for your life with you and it pleases Him for you to rely on Him and His will fully.
The more time I spend with Him, the more He opens my eyes.
Is He opening yours, too?
When Your Child Isn’t Walking in the Light
There is nothing more disheartening to parents than watching their child choose to walk in darkness instead of walking in the light. If this is where you may find yourself today, your mind is likely left wondering what went wrong or what was missed.
You’ve raised your child to know, serve and love the Lord, above all else. You’ve had countless bold conversations about sin and its destruction in one’s life with your child. You’ve sacrificed much to make sure they’ve received a solid Christian education. You’ve prayed, fasted and prayed, lost more nights of sleep than you’ve gained, yet still, free will and fleshly desires overtake all instruction or spiritual sense that you’ve given your child throughout his or her life. Somehow, the enemy still finds a way to slither under your feet and into your child’s life.
As a parent, you can see the enemy is nearby because you recognize his tactics. This is the benefit we have as parents of having a rear window view. But to your child, the enemy is unrecognizable. He doesn’t look like a scary beast or like an adversary. Instead, the enemy might look like a pretty package wrapped in lust, or a sinful habit, just to name a few. Whatever it is that will take your child’s eyes off Jesus, is the very thing Satan will use to enslave your child. Remember, the enemy comes ONLY to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10).
See, once one sin is acted upon, Satan has been invited to sit at the decision table of your child’s life. And that’s where the enemy has his most fun. He knows that one sin will surely lead to many more sins and he smiles with each sin, knowing his grip upon your child’s life is tightening. This is the nature of sin—to spread and multiply, to act as a contagion to your child’s soul. Suddenly, sin becomes …..easier…and eventually, a way of life, without giving any regard to the hurt that it causes other family members.
Consider sexual immorality; if this is acted upon, then a lie will be told to cover up the sinful act. Eventually, qualities like respect and honor are replaced with disrespect and dishonor, which manifest as characteristics of a person living a sinful life.
Then, what?
The roller coaster of bad choices continues, until one day your child is faced with life-changing consequences resulting from choosing a life of sin. In the meantime, you are on the sidelines with a center view of the disintegration of your child’s soul and the effects upon your entire family.
Ouch! Can someone please resurrect my aching heart from total disappointment?
So, what can parents do when their child chooses to allow sin into his or her life repeatedly? What can you do, as you see your child self-destruct and become derailed, knowing that eventually these choices will crash into a cement wall of shame and guilt for your child, down the road?
We must fight this battle with spiritual armor because it is a spiritual battle. God has entrusted our children to us, but He is their creator- our children are His first. Thus, we know we must turn to the Creator for help. God is faithful to help us because he loves our child, too.
We know that within God’s armor we have two offensive weapons, for our use, made to battle the evil that comes against us and the ones we love. These weapons are the Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God and Prayer, which I like to call, God’s love language!
How exactly does the Word of God act as a spiritually offensive weapon when battling for our child’s soul? Well, we know that when we read God’s Word, we are equipped and empowered to move forward, despite our not-so-good circumstances. We also know that the enemy is immediately put on defense the moment we flip the first page. He knows the enormous power God’s holy scriptures have over him. Thus, we have a holy Homefield advantage in this battle!
See, the Word shines the light of truth into moral and spiritual confusion. The enemy does his best to keep everything flying under the radar, in complete darkness and blindness. But our God is faithful to always shine His light into the darkness, so that the darkness won’t completely take over without us being aware. This gives us hope and power, by partnering with God, to go to battle for our child.
The second offensive weapon we have is prayer. By praying to the Lord and fighting battles on our knees, we are surrendering the battle for our child to the highest Commander in Chief that exists. When petitioning the Lord from a place of submission and humility through prayer, we are communing with the only One that can take an impossibility and turn it into a victory.
In addition to these spiritual weapons, as parents we can model for our children what it looks like to follow Christ and reject the enemy.
The Apostle Paul writes in scripture that we are Children of the Light (1 Thessalonians 5:5). As Children of the Light, we choose to follow Christ and reject the power of the enemy over our lives, daily. Walking in the Light is in complete contrast to walking in darkness. There isn’t anything that we can hide from God’s eyes anyway, even if we are successful in hiding it from others.
We want our child to walk in the Light. We want our child to reject what is bad and seek what is good. Therefore, we must be transparent with them about our own struggles and how God helps us to overcome and how He walks with us through them. We must make sure that our children know the sovereignty of our Lord over all darkness and teach them also to be keenly aware of the enemy’s deception and traps. Your child’s very soul is at stake.
What wouldn’t you do to help guide them back to the true source of living water and light? For me, I will battle on my knees until they bleed and then I will battle some more. In others words, I won’t stop fighting this spiritual battle for my child’s life and future. God is both faithful and trustworthy to battle alongside me.
Playing God in Your Marriage
Have you ever had a serious discussion with your spouse and realized that the conversation is ineffectual? You and your spouse have different viewpoints and collectively, no one agrees to truly hear the other’s perspective. You end up stuck in an unending cycle of getting nowhere. We become unwilling to move from our position, which we’ve firmly planted our feet upon. In our unwillingness, we essentially reject God. We play God in our circumstances and when things don’t go so well, we suffer the consequences of our own free will decisions. We are left wondering why God didn’t stop us. Yet clearly, we never even bothered to involve God in the first place.
We often kick God out of our decision making because we grow tired of waiting on God. We think that by pursuing godly things, we don’t need God to lead us. Truthfully, even good and godly things can be outside of the will of God for our lives and our purpose for His kingdom. God is more interested in our sanctification than our “works” for Him. He wants us to learn to trust Him and to seek Him in everything. He wants to lead us, through our obedience, because we trust His faithfulness and goodness.
The enemy of our soul, however, wants to steal every good thing God has planned for us. He creeps into the vulnerable areas of our faith, where we have already kicked God out. He preys upon our impatience and falsely boosts our ego. He makes us second guess God’s goodness and righteous character, which causes us to view God from a place of distrust. And if we distrust God, we will distrust everyone around us, including our spouse.
If you find that you and your spouse are being tested in the same areas of marriage over and over, it is an indication that God isn’t being trusted in those areas. There may be strongholds present or brokenness in those areas from the past. There may be hopelessness and uncertainty in these areas. The solution is not to remain unteachable or close-minded. The solution is to seek God in prayer and ask Him for a breakthrough. Ask that your eyes would be opened and your mind receptive to a new understanding.
Whatever small things we place in the hands of our Heavenly Father become abundance for us. What is the thing that keeps showing its ugly face in your marriage? Is it adultery or lust? Is it money mismanagement or greed? Or is it some other thing that you just can’t seem to find deliverance from or in? Surrender those things to God by trusting that He can do so much better than we can, with our limited perspective, knowledge and resources. Allow God to be the One to decide for you and be mindful of the devil’s schemes to sneak into an uninvited place at your table. (Matthew 7:15).
There are some things that we can do today to start involving God in our decision making.
First, go to God in prayer with your spouse and ask Him to show you His will for your marriage.
Second, don’t discount what your spouse has to say. Often, God has already spoken to your spouse and revealed something.
Finally, take the information you’ve learned from the Lord, check your own heart, and then act. Proclaim what God has told you, even if it is counter-cultural or an unpopular opinion. One thing we know that we can stand on in any circumstance, is the way of the Lord. God reveals truth to those who are listening and is glad to be welcomed into any situation we are facing.
Remember, our relationship with our Savior isn’t one sided. He wants us to seek Him as much as He wants to offer blessings. God is always speaking, and He wants us to slow down enough to get quiet enough to hear Him. Even if it means sitting in one place for hours just waiting. He is faithful to offer deliverance & He won’t abandon those who love Him.
Try discerning the voice of God by altering how you listen to your spouse. Frankly, we need God’s help and guidance to steer us if we want that abundant life that He promises to us. We must truly come to the end of ourselves, lay it all down at the feet of Jesus, and pick up our own cross and carry it. Only then will we understand true sacrifice and true healing. Lean on God. Listen, understand, and grow and never underestimate what God may reveal to you or to your spouse. Not all things are meant for the same ears.
Divorce-Proof Your Marriage
In my quiet time with the Lord this morning, I was prompted to ponder why many couples are finding it so easy to give up on marriage and seek a divorce. Our culture, unfortunately, has made getting a divorce too easy and has, over time, been more accepting of divorce as a cultural norm. Today’s culture pushes personal happiness over self-sacrifice, so it’s not surprising that people give up so easily when things get hard or when personal happiness is challenged. The thought then becomes, why get married at all?
Allow me to be direct and transparent —I can’t think of any couple I personally know or have met that has admitted to being at the marriage altar anticipating a future divorce. I know I didn’t anticipate being married more than once. However, in my previous marriage, I often found myself seeking more and thinking that the grass would be greener somewhere else. I found it much easier to check out of my marriage and tether myself to temporary things. Ultimately, none of these things kept me anchored or content in any area of my life. Once I had mentally checked out of that marriage, getting a divorce was mentally easy. Looking back, I can see the missing piece that I needed in my life wasn’t another person or another material thing. I needed saving from my own thoughts and decisions. I needed God to come into my life and shake things up and awaken me!
Fast forward many years to when I met my wife Janie. While I was still not actively seeking the Lord in my life, I knew I had found the person that I would build a life with. We both worked tirelessly, raising our sons and excelling in our careers. Life was busy and things at home became stressful. The familiar feeling of discontentment would surface from time to time and I struggled to manage those feelings. Meanwhile, Janie was struggling with her own feelings of discontentment and we felt a constant thirst for something with meaning. Our marriage was crumbling underneath us and imploding with negativity. Now was the time to seek help, if we had any chance of staying married. We had never attended church together, so we both decided to go back to church. Soon after, we joined a marriage strengthening class. I’d love to tell you that inviting God into our marriage gave us perfect harmony in our marital union, but that’s not what happened. Instead, things seemed to get harder at first. Suddenly, some of the things we were doing and saying didn’t feel good anymore. The Lord was changing both of us and He was using our marriage as a pathway for our personal sanctification. In other words, many of the personal tests and trials that Janie and I endured were experienced through our marriage. Becoming one flesh requires the stripping away of personal traits that don’t align with Christian living. By inviting Christ into our marriage, we had given Him full access to shape and refine us for our combined marriage purpose. In return, He has faithfully walked with us through many marital circumstances that have both challenged and strengthened our marriage.
The “hard” of marriage is no longer what it used to be without God. The “hard” in marriage now is considered an opportunity to commune with the One who is faithful to guide us back to the path of oneness. Because of our relationship with Christ, divorce is no longer an option. In Christ, we have victory over any hardship we will face. We had to rebuild our lives and our marriage on a different foundation, which was Him. To this day, we continue to build our lives on the firm foundation of Christian living. We read God’s word together every day.
How can YOU be more intentional? Take time to discuss the marital roles written in Ephesians 5:22-33 with your spouse, and together, ask the Lord to help transform your marriage. Seek His guidance and wisdom and learn from the experiences He allows you to walk through. I can testify that having God in your marriage will divorce-proof your marriage better than any other substitute. Why? Because a fully surrendered marriage in the hands of the Healer will be transformed for His glory.
Marriage Sanctified 